Robert Pattinson, his Pink Poodle and Nespresso
by MrsBrainySmurf
Summary: Robert Pattinson, his Pink Poodle and Nespresso, what do you want to know further?


**A/N: I wrote this idiotic one-shot with two of my best friends when we were bored at school lol so don't expect too much of it, especially since where all three ****Dutch ****high school freshmans and our English is kinda crap lol. We wrote the sentences in turn, so it turned out kinda weird lol.**

**But, after this one, I'm going to try writing a couple of fictions about Bella and Edward, since they're totally my favorite couple *cheers*.**

**Anyway, the usual crap: We do not own George Clooney and his Nespresso commercial, nor Nespresso, nor Twilight, nor Jake, nor Robert Pattinson *pout* but we dó own Saboli Domurtis, Idris von Food, Rpatzz his Ketchup-Boobies his Pink-colored Poodle.**

**By the way: we are NOT trying to make fun of Robert Pattinson! On the contrary, we totally love and adore him (and feel a sick obsession with him *drooling*)**

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Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Because my fish jumped out of his bowl, I cried until I was swimming in my tears. Literally. And then I made a pool of it and invited people to come and swim. 20 people came. They were all complaining because they thought the pool was way too deep. And then I killed them cos they didn't wanted to pay. I quickly threw them out of the window. But my parents were just going to enter the house, so they died because of the 20 bodies that fell on them.

The neighbors called the police and they threw me In jail.

But I had a shovel. The floor was made of metal so I just said they had to let me go, or I would kill myself.

They wouldn't let me go, so I killed myself. Then an angel came to me and said: if I can have your nespresso-maker, I'll let you live your life again. The angel only wanted the nespresso-maker and nothing else instead, so I lived again, without my daily nespresso. Well, I think it's time to tell you my name: it's George Clooney. But where am I? Oh that's right, in my bed, looking to the pink-colored poodle my mom gave me because I turned fifteen last week, and in her eyes finally became a grown woman.

But that was before my gender operation. Now I'm a very handsome man. But that's going to change again – in about 2 hours. Then I will be a girl ánd a boy. No, just a girl is fine. I was only kidding, I'm not like my girl-boy-girl-again-boy-again -friend Saboli Domurtis, if you know what I mean ;). No, because I have changed me name in Idris von Food. No, I don't want to have that name… I don't even know how I still can joke with my parents dead and everything…

Well actually they're not dead, they just had a brain shake. So maybe I should go visit them, I think they would appreciate it, if I would dig them out. Of the bed in the hospital where they are now, you know, the hospital has gotten new beds just like a cemetery.

Oh crap! I forgot my shovel in jail,, well, too bad, they'll just have to wait until my boss decide it's time to actually pay me for all the ducks I killed for him. And for all the cats, but you know, it's payback time! At the same moment I thought that, a stone flew through the window and hit my head. Luckily, the angel had given me the power that somebody would have after 30 years non-stop nespresso drinking, and luckily the stone was as big as my little toenail, so I barely felt it. But then I got into a kind of "cafeinecoma" , or I guess I got a little extremely caffeine-high and I told everybody that I loved them and kissed everybody including the nasty caretaker. Then I suddenly needed to pee but my home was like 20 miles from here. No problem! My good ol' buddy Jake has a new, beautiful, midnight-blue and expensive hat! So I put the hat on and started to run to my house as fast as I could. But it was already too late.

Well, too bad - now I'll smell like piss the whole day, not like that's something new for me. Yeah, I have a really small bladder so I actually pee everyday in me pants and sometime also the big one, from tomorrow on I'm gonna wear a diper, though. Just like grandma. Anyway I'm kinda hungry so it's time to seek some guinea-pigs. Wait, first I have to do the Dwarfdance! Let's Boogie! Allright, enough Boogie, I'm suddenly kinda horny so it's time fo' my booty-call – where's my Sexwardd?

And then I woke up from my wet dream! Weird dream, let's make breakfast. Why is there a dick in my mouth…I didn't fell asleep during a blowjob again, did i?

No, that was a dream again, maybe I'm having this weird dreams because I stopped with working for a pimp a week ago.

I'm now working in a café, and luckily I can't wear anything except for high heels and a skirt, so it's easy to make me feel like home. I wish I didn't remove my mountains though, then I would make more money.

Oh well, I'll buy new ones. Luckily I haven't removed my boobs – though, that mountain tattoo was absolutely gorgeous: 3 mountains full with snow on the top, and flowers down the lower slopes.

Oh no, someone cut my boobs out of my chest. Yuk, I'm bleeding, oh, no that's ketchup lol, I totally forgot that I had glued me boobs on. Never mind , I'm starting to get hungry, I'm going to make breakfast right now. Nah, I'm too lazy – I'll just eat the ketchup from my boobs. Well, my ex-boobs. Yum, it's delicious… but why did I want to eat breakfast anyway? Cos it's like 4 a.m. I'm still hungry though, so I'm going to a restaurant for lunch. Damn, there's ketchup on all my clothes, well, I'll go nude then… no problem, not something new for me either, and I like to do it a lot since I have convinced the cops of this town it's better to just let me walk, but honestly, my arguments were like, só strong, so they just hád to give is.

And they liked my butt a lot!

So the police won't be a problem. I feel a little miserable, maybe I should visit my friend Jake, he'll know how to make me laugh again. Maybe he will do one of his werewolf tricks. I'll take my puppy with me. I think Jake'll like him. Cos of his wolf-thing, he likes sex with dogs as good as sex with humans. Well at least that's what I dream about, I never saw him doing it, but I think he does. At least he says he does. Last time he asked me to join him, and of course I said: Yes! But I overslept and when I went there, they were already done. But then I became angry, and because of that he became angry, and killed my sweet, pink poodle – oh, yeah, going to Jake is not an option actually, not any more.

Cos when he killed my poodle, I killed him, and his mother who was in the bathroom and stormed the room in when she heard screaming. I fled and jumped into the sea. That was a hour or so ago, but for now I'm just miserable, and although he's dead, he's my best friend, and I'm going to him, so here I stand – my name is Robert Pattinson, I have a Bomb in me left hand and all I say is: "Toodles!"

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**Yeah we know – This doesn't make any sense.. :) But I (MrsBrainySmurf) kinda promised my friends that I would upload it here, sooo**

**But but but… I know it is crap and shit, but I would totally lóóóve reviews! I don't care if they're not sweet and nice, but please give this turd a Feedback :)**

**Please Please Please Pleasee**

**Please :) ?**

**Pretty Please?**

**With Sugar on Top :) ?**

**o.O Pretty Please With Sugar on Top =$?**


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